Denial is a Thief

Denial is a thief

It acts like a protector

Guarding you against the hurt,

Keeping you safe.

However, it steals . . .

Time to spend those last moments,

Time to enjoy each other’s presence. 

Denial turns into regret,

Regret then becomes bitterness,

How could I have wasted the last few conversations?

What was I thinking?

That is just it; I didn’t want to think this could be it. 

I didn’t want to admit I could see the light fading away. 

So thankful for the Hope of the Cross,

While I struggle with the fact I can’t see you now,

I know that one day I will.

You will be there greeting me with open arms

Smiling and calling my name as I pass over.

Mom, my heart breaks as I think of everything you have missed.

So many times, I have wanted to 

Pick up the phone and tell you about all the amazing things 

My kids are doing. I am lost without you.

Trusting God to continue to carry me as I walk this path.

Showing up and being strong for dad and my kids. 

I love you, and I am so very sorry for allowing my denial to steal

Away the time we had left. I just couldn’t face the thought.

Now, I wish I had so I would have had more time to tell you how much

I love you, and I am proud that you are my mom.

You showed me how to be a strong and faithful woman, putting God first.

Trusting His Guidance and believing He was there even when we couldn’t see Him working.

What I wouldn’t do to be able to hear your voice and spend one more day with you, 

To wrap my arms around you and say, “I love you,”

I realize that I must let go of the bitterness and forgive myself; it is robbing me of the joy of your memories—the laughs we shared and the fun we had.

I was blessed for 46 years to have you on this Earth. I am going to live life to the fullest and make you proud. 

I don’t know if I am supposed to pray for God to hug you, but I hope He does as you celebrate one year in His presence tomorrow.